I use to think freedom was solely being able to do the things I wanted to do. Whether good or bad, I felt free to do as I pleased. Well today I realized in totality that real freedom is not necessarily doing what you want to do. Sounds off right? At first it did to me to. Then it hit me this morning during a prayer call I was on. How are we truly ever free when we are confined to the conditioning, traditions, ideologies, and identities that have been handed to us and we walk in it blindly? Entering adulthood we walk in the things we are taught and to some degree force fed by goals that have been imprinted in our minds by society and other influences. How can you say that your real and truly agree when you are walking in the image that your parents and others have told you that you are? What ends up happening is we settle into lives, deal with people, excuse behaviors, or make excuses for behaviors based off of what someone has told or taught is right. Is it really though? Are you truly walking in who you are and standing on what you really believe in? Or are you like many who have become so warped and blind that they reject the voice or passion within them for the sake of the image that they were handed? I mean after all, we all don’t want to disappoint or let someone else down right? So are you really free or has the choices already been predetermined for you by people?
When I was a little girl up until my teens my mom would take my sister and I to church sometimes. I was not big on it. I saw things then that just didn’t sit right with me. However, I wasn’t there for what they were trying to give me because the source was impure to me. So I went and hung out with my friends and I even praise danced because it was freeing to me. I loved everything about it. I would forget the people were there and it was just something about it I looked forward to. After dancing I was indeed back on my worst behavior. One thing that always stuck with me in the deepest part of my heart was something that one of my favorite Pastors Ive ever had the pleasure of knowing said to me. One day he was trying to get me to see my actions were wrong and he said, “You don’t have to be stuck like this because you can be free. You were made to be more than just this!” At that time I was in the streets, smoking weed, drinking, just an entire mess. I was tired of feeling pressured to be something I wasn’t and didn’t have a desire to be. I rebelled because I felt misunderstood and I wanted them to not only see me but hear and know me. I definitely wasn’t who they wanted me to be nor assumed I was. The thing I desired most was to truly be free and “unboxed”. I felt confined even though I did what I wanted to for the most part.
My mama always said, “Your grown and free to do what you want when you move out of my house.” Well guess what? Even when I left and was doing what in such a way I thought I wanted to do, I still did not feel free. I felt obligated to people and things when I didn’t necessarily want to be deep down inside if I’m being honest. However, I didn’t want to lose them. What ended up happening is that I found myself not being true to myself and thus feeling confined and a slave to my emotions/loyalty that I had for them. It took a harsh reality and truth from an ex-boyfriend. It was that last relationship that started to really wake me up. The day I had to make what felt like a hard decision, I realized just how caught up and twisted in who and what he needed me to be I was. Plus I had to be extra to compensate for him not knowing who he was and who he thought I was (I settled). Truth be told what I wanted to do was keep him and for the 3rd time give him a chance. It was my relationship with God that conflicted with it. I had to choose between what was beginning to gnaw at me internally and who he wanted me to be. As well as the person I became along with all that I thought and was taught to be during the course of my life.
See in choosing God that meant I had to unlearn, learn, give up, be honest, be vulnerable, and acknowledge who I truly am. Contrary to popular belief there is liberty in serving God. How so? The more you learn about the one who truly knows you and he opens up your eyes about you, then you will find you have been living a complete lie for the most part if not in totality. The word of God cuts and opens you up to the places that you would not dare go. Its the truth of everything about and surrounding you. The closer you draw near to Yah, some of the things you have in your possession will make you question did you ever want or need it all. The pressures and standards of living one way was stressful, but in being authentically who you were created to be brings about joy and peace like you’ve never known. Freedom to stand on what you know to be true without the shame of being found out for being a hypocrite because what you profess is just what it is. That’s what I mean by being free. Free to live in abundance and favor in spite of even the struggle and frustrations you come up against. So this morning I finally understood what freedom looks like. Authentic and pure to the core. Free to live and obtain all that belongs to you much quicker, than constantly messing up and having to circle back to redo it again. Many have fought for their freedom that benefited thousands if not billions of people. What about you, will you choose to fight for what’s worth having…your freedom?