I never wanted to face myself in the mirror. I didn’t like reflection looking back at me. She was hideous, unwanted, abused, and used up. I despised her and she was never really worth anything to begin with. Stings of words regurgitated and spewed like venom plastered to her face. A distorted broken monster looking back at me. Yes I hate her and she is always looking back at me with disdain and dissatisfaction. Well, newsflash sis I hate you too. Washed up I hear the echos from many previous voices. Drowning out my hearing they are loud echoing, never ceasing, just please SHUT UP!!!! I can only glance and deal with her image for a few minutes at a time. The sign on her forehead is too bright and its bold reading, ” Perverts are welcome here” and its lights are bright will they ever dim and lose battery life? This person in the mirror with tape over her mouth muzzling her screams wanting to be free from agony but she can’t. She’s trapped looking back at me in horror wondering does anybody care. Mind in overdrive, consumed by memories of when the hands that were supposed to hold me punched me, pinched, and shook me. I can’t save her, so i yell STOP STARING AT ME!! Shes an ugly monster and besides monsters belong in graves. Why should she live? All of the horrible things she did. Let’s see if she deserves a chance. From birth she was a problem, a regretful reminder of a love gone sour. Tainted goods by a few men and a couple women too who made her grow up fast but she learned to be quiet because she was not supposed to tell. Can’t forget about her chasing her daddy away, well in all fairness he may have never really loved her that much anyway. I mean come on she wasn’t even worth fighting for. Mama said if they love you they will fight for you, hmmm guess she’s not only worthless to me. Oh great, the tears are coming down at a rapid rate, if you don’t suck it up and swallow the pain. Your just a reflection what you know about this life. I’m the one out here pretending everything is fine all the while slowly dying inside. I’m tired of trying and I’m tired of giving, and lets be honest i’m tired of these men taking pieces of me but you don’t see me folding now do you? Why is my image just watching me through her tears and won’t do as i say. It’s a cold world out here don’t you know this by now girl pull yourself together and get your coat. You can’t beat them so join them but do it better. Heart made of stone and keep the steel close by, ain’t no love in these streets so you better wise up. You lived through all those pills you took and your obviously a tough cookie. Should have been dead because i thought i did a hell of a job trying to get you out of here. Yet here we are me and you face to face again. I can’t stand you and as soon as i apply this lip gloss then i won’t have to see you no more until the next time i enter into a place where I’m forced to see my reflection. Lord knows i don’t want to look at you anyway, there is no hope for you. Smother your dreams and a life of what could be. I don’t care what you see when you fall asleep. I know the dreams are vivid and seem so real but that’s in a perfect world girl get real. I can’t live this way any longer I’m tired. I hear a voice telling me that those things that I see are all a lie. If I will let him he will come in because he has been longing for me. You see I am not what I see in the mirror it is all a mirage and for me he died. I can’t see him but I feel him and can even hear him. Every time I look in the mirror I hear him and the things he says he feels about me. You see when I see her now in the mirror her face is no longer distorted. Some of the labels are gone. She was worth saving because he said she is worth dying for. Some days she is hard for me to look at and others I love who I see looking back at me. One thing I know is that I will never give up on her and she is not what she used to see or would even hear. She is healthy now in the face and even has a glow, my reflection is of beauty. Ashes carried in the wind, no monster looking back at me. Royalty is what I see.

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